I’ve had these thoughts in my head so many times I’ve lost count, and heard variations of these more than I’d want to.
It’s an insecurity problem. I asked God, “what should I write about today?” He said, “why not the main thing you struggle with.” You see, as confident as many people think I am – “Oh, Philly, you’re so head-strong with such a high self-esteem, people don’t get to you…” etc. This is only half-true. Sure, I don’t care what people think about me but I do care about how I’m representing God. It hurts to think I may mess up and bring shame to Our Community.
Now you know my biggest fear.
I understand that everyone is not perfect; we all sin, we all make mistakes, and we all fall short of God’s Glory. Is it wrong that I WANT to be perfect for Him, no pretending? (“You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” Matthew 5:48) There’s a difference between pretending to be something you’re not and actually striving for an unattainable goal. But it’s a fine line to those who can only go by what they see, as they do not know your heart. It’s a risk you have to take when you profess your faith. All eyes will be on you – no pressure.
The Devil is a liar. He says that you must concentrate on these eyes, instead of keeping yours on Jesus. He wants you to think about the thoughts of others, instead of having thoughts about Jesus. He tells you that you must satisfy man and God, however, your goal is to satisfy only God. Such blatant lies He slithers into our heads!
The only way to illustrate my Christianity is not merely by my words, but by my actions. I want to be fruitful, possessing fruits of the Holy Spirit: “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control” (Gal. 5:22-23) but I understand this will not happen overnight. It is a gradual process. Therefore, we also can not expect others to change so quickly and steadily. Sometimes we get distracted on our Walk and step off the path for a bit; the important thing is not how fast we walk, but remaining on that narrow road, returning if we do take a wrong turn. So, do not misunderstand a fellow Christian’s expectations and realities. Expectations lead to judgement, realities lead to the truth.
Remember: we are not perfect, though we serve a perfect God. We strive for perfection for HIS GLORY, and to make Him proud. But we’re already making Him proud every day when we choose Him or this world, when we thank Him, look to Him, speak with Him, and accept Him. Nothing else matters but Him, no one else matters except Him. Just keep your eyes on Him, love Him as He loves you.