Distribute This Math Equation

College student(Christmas Break + Free Time) = X

Solving for X, we get: Sleeping all day, watching re-runs of vampire shows, and above all, accomplishing NADA. That’s some equation. 

It was my first day of Christmas break today and to be honest, I have no idea where the time went. I woke up at 9am, went back to sleep, woke up at 2pm, listened to music, watched True Blood and now it’s after 6pm. Yeah, I got nothing done. I’m ashamed to say I’m still in my PJs…

I did hop on the scale. I swore I thought I gained the Freshman 15 all over again, but the scale said I gained a little over 2lbs since my last weigh-in in early October. Not bad. Still, I could have LOST 15 pounds since the beginning of the semester. So, I just had a burger (it was small) and fries. Throughout the day I munched on cereal and pizza. Classic college kid. That’s not a compliment… I’m going to watch another episode of True Blood to let this food digest then I’ll workout around 8pm. Then I want to watch a sermon. Also, as I’ve said before, I’m going to consider Churching it out twice on Sundays. Hey, I’ve got the time. I might as well use it wisely instead of sleeping the day away. 

I’ve been waiting on that callback for an interview. I never thought I’d say that I really, and I mean REALLY, want to work at Burger King. If I can get in my first pay check before school reopens then I can pay to get some work done on my mother’s car and then I won’t have to spend $6 a DAY to catch the bus to college! I speak it! 

 

Side Note: Oops. I thought I had already posted this. Well, I finished my workout and now I’m going to shower, grab some hot cocoa and watch a good sermon. G’night all!

XOXO

Day 6: Feeling DEFEATED – I JUST WANT TO STAY HOME AND SLEEP

Ugh! I’m not even in the mood to type! Expect this to be short. I wanna cry right now, I want to punch a wall, I want to be held…

Firstly, the challenge hasn’t been going successful as Satan done it again. My computer crashed! All of the memory is gone and it set me back majorly. I’m on a borrowed netbook which makes my hands feel so big and manly because it’s so teeny.

On top of that, I had to break up with my boyfriend all because my mother doesn’t like him – family is very important to me. I want to sob and eat bon-bons and curl up in my bed. Earlier, I didn’t want to eat at all but it’s a shame we broke up FOR THAT WOMAN.

That was my first love and I couldn’t even focus to do homework tonight. I just said screw it, screw it all, screw it all to hell.

Sorry, guys, I’m under A LOT of stress. Loads of work needs to be done, I’m gaining weight, and I haven’t been pampered in months… or years. It’s always been about helping other people, helping my family, helping my mother. Help. Help. HELP. God helps me, I know. I’m just waiting for the blessing. So, I’m going to stay home. I’ll probably sleep in an hour or two later then I’ll do some work. So much for the challenge. I will continue it on tuesday. Right now, I just want my bed and some soft music in my ears.

I’m feeling so confused and defeated. God, please stay near as I know You’re already here.

Side note: I went to my friend’s church today. It’s a non-denominational church. I think I will make it a regular thing, which means church times two on Sundays. I need it. I really do. God deserves it. He really does.

Good night.

 

 

XOXO

Philly

Venting: Personal Blog – Pink Crosses

Tonight was one of those nights.

The house was quiet, the rain had stopped pouring, everyone was asleep… and here I was. Alone. Bored. Moody. Depressed. Frustrated. Impatient. It goes on, trust me, it does.

I started thinking, “what’s wrong with me?” The things which absorb my thoughts, my deepest desires, started to consume me and I wasn’t sure if it was a Godly perspective on my situation. A lady in waiting. She waits for her Prince, her partner in crime, her confidant. There I was thinking on such things, about someone.

In the mere 18, soon to be 19, years of my life I realized that out of all our personal pursuits (occupational, educational, entertainment, pleasure, etc) love is the most crucial, most affecting thirst we all have. It comes in stages; I’m currently at the stage that yearns for God and a mate. I crave Jesus, I love Him so much. I crave God’s Will in my life and I want MORE of Him. I also crave a soul mate.. I’m actually contemplating on having a marriage-worthy relationship. A serious relationship. But, when I start yearning for what I don’t have my emotions reflect on that missing blessing.

So, the only possible way is to feed my spirit and out-pour my emotions. If I can in-take good, I will eject goodness. I’ve started writing letters to my Future Husband, taking my purity more seriously (as purity is not just about refraining from sex), reading a book called I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris, and now I’m introducing a new blog – a personal blog. It’s called Pink Crosses.

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I won’t say what to expect from this new blog. So, don’t set expectations. It’ll be about my innermost desires and struggles. Truly personal. Sometimes, all I need is a release – this blog will be my release. Amen.

“You’re not CHRISTIAN enough,” says the liar.

I’ve had these thoughts in my head so many times I’ve lost count, and heard variations of these more than I’d want to.

It’s an insecurity problem. I asked God, “what should I write about today?” He said, “why not the main thing you struggle with.” You see, as confident as many people think I am – “Oh, Philly, you’re so head-strong with such a high self-esteem, people don’t get to you…” etc. This is only half-true. Sure, I don’t care what people think about me but I do care about how I’m representing God. It hurts to think I may mess up and bring shame to Our Community.

Now you know my biggest fear.

I understand that everyone is not perfect; we all sin, we all make mistakes, and we all fall short of God’s Glory. Is it wrong that I WANT to be perfect for Him, no pretending? (“You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” Matthew 5:48) There’s a difference between pretending to be something you’re not and actually striving for an unattainable goal. But it’s a fine line to those who can only go by what they see, as they do not know your heart. It’s a risk you have to take when you profess your faith. All eyes will be on you – no pressure.

The Devil is a liar. He says that you must concentrate on these eyes, instead of keeping yours on Jesus. He wants you to think about the thoughts of others, instead of having thoughts about Jesus. He tells you that you must satisfy man and God, however, your goal is to satisfy only God. Such blatant lies He slithers into our heads!

The only way to illustrate my Christianity is not merely by my words, but by my actions. I want to be fruitful, possessing fruits of the Holy Spirit: “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control” (Gal. 5:22-23) but I understand this will not happen overnight. It is a gradual process. Therefore, we also can not expect others to change so quickly and steadily. Sometimes we get distracted on our Walk and step off the path for a bit; the important thing is not how fast we walk, but remaining on that narrow road, returning if we do take a wrong turn. So, do not misunderstand a fellow Christian’s expectations and realities. Expectations lead to judgement, realities lead to the truth. 

Remember: we are not perfect, though we serve a perfect God. We strive for perfection for HIS GLORY, and to make Him proud. But we’re already making Him proud every day when we choose Him or this world, when we thank Him, look to Him, speak with Him, and accept Him. Nothing else matters but Him, no one else matters except Him. Just keep your eyes on Him, love Him as He loves you.

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AMEN.